I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
