I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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