Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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