You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
