i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
only you would photoshop your dick
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize