I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
