You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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