But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
