what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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