um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
