Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
