Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
