His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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