Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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