can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
