You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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