Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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