just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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