i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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