So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
