my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
