Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
