Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
