next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
