She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
