heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
