Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
