Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
