the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
