Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
