Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
