Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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