i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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