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Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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