Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
