I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
