I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
