im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
