Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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