Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
