Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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