Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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