oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
