If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
