Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
