Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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