I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I stole a fireplace last night.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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