I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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