i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
