she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
