capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
