I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
