Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
