ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
