i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
