I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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