Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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