Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My vagina just recognized that song.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
