Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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