is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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