fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
