I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
