she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
