recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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