the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize