Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
