She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
